The Entitlement Trap

I was able to go to a presentation and Q&A session tonight that was given by Richard and Linda Eyre, authors of The Entitlement Trap. It was a wonderful evening of insight and I thought I would write down some of my thoughts before I forget them.

1. Entitlement: This is the number one concern of most parents. They had statistics that approximately 80% of parents fear that their children will become entitled more than any other thing. Because this discussion was also given at BYU it had some religious tones to it and the authors argued that Satan’s plan was a plan of entitlement.

2. Ownership: The way to combat entitlement is to give children a sense of ownership. This ownership is given to children in several ways.

a. Strong Family Culture: This is developed through setting up easy to understand Family Laws that each member of the family must live by. They also suggest building a family Mantra that each member of the family should live by.

b. Stop being Managers and Start Being Consultants: This was a great way for me to think of this principle. Too often parents try to manage their kids in every way. Instead, we should try to become more of a consultant to them as they work things out for themselves.

c. Set up a Family Legal System: Rather than taking ownership in an argument between children, set up a family legal system ahead of time that everyone must live by. The authors, for example, had a repentance bench that the children had to sit on if they got in a fight until they could admit what they had done wrong and ask for forgiveness.

d. Set up a Family Bank: Rather than giving children an allowance, make them earn their money, learn how to spend it, save it, and give to charity. The authors go so far as to set up a family bank that their children can make deposits into after they have earned their money through chores. Then, they have family checks that they must use to purchase things. And their children must purchase everything for themselves through this system, including even their own clothes.

3. The power of Case Studies: The author is a Harvard alum, so he obviously loves case studies. However, I liked how he used case studies with his children. He would set up detailed, specific case studies that he would go over with his children and then at the end ask them what they would do in such a situation. Then, later in life when they are faced with a similar situation for real, they will better know how to react.

Those are the points I remember for now. I asked my friend for a copy of her notes, so if I forgot something when I get her notes I’ll add it later. One last thing that they suggested is a blog from one of their daughters that gets over 10k hits a day. Check it out here.