An all time great

So Funny

Sabroso Viejo

It sits there staring at me with its beady little eyes, taunting me to make a move on its snide existence. My senses are heightened and my reflexes are coiled, willing me to spring them into action. I am a gunfighter in an old western shootout and at any moment my pistols will glimmer in the sun, unholstered in there assent towards a blazing smoking inferno of satisfying destruction, hammering down with the unrefrained cracking of pierced eardrums, drowning out the very battle cry bellowing from my mouth. Yet in my eagerness my mind is telling me that this foe can do nothing until I make my move. I trump the situation like the starting bell at a dog race, yet I am weakening to the demands of my enthusiasm to engage. Forcing my attention away by breaking eye contact with my enemy, I try to hold off my appetite until the opportune moment. But its aroma whispers to my senses, and the rumblings from my gastrointestinal break my concentration. Attempting a sneak attack, I slide my chair just slightly and pretend to reach out for a file, before pouncing on my foe like a cobra. The battle lasts mere moments. Thinking that this fight is entirely one-sided, I gorge myself on its lush palatability, ripping through him like a buzz saw with complete satisfaction. I laugh heartily in the ecstasy of victory. Yet what is that pinching at my intellect, small at first like a twinge at my forehead, growing slowly into a painful migraine? It is the realization that I have several hours to go in the cubicle sentence of my workday and I’ve exhausted my rations and that, indeed, my enemy has had the last laugh. A tear rolls down my cheek as I begin to walk across the hours of desert until I will finally arrive at the mirage of quitting time. The bitter sweet reality of it all stings like a Marciano jab to the kidneys. And as I let out a silent wail of remorse the truth whispers to my consciousness: If you make a lunch, don’t set it in plain view or you’ll end up eating it by ten in the morning!

Toothbrushing at Work

I was driving to lunch the other day and I was listening to Jim Rome as he was ripping on guys that brush there teeth at work and keep a toothbrush in their desk drawers. Well, guess what? I do that! And I don’t really understand what’s wrong with it. Do you get annoyed if a coworker brushes their teeth after lunch? I really don’t want to be the annoying guy in the office, but I also don’t want to smell like a Subway Sandwich all afternoon. I kind of feel like someone told me I'm the stinky kid in class.

Narrow Margins?

I need a new car. I kind of like this one that costs $12,875, so I was looking at financing for it. So, I can get a loan for 4.4% if I put down 30%, so my loan would be for $9,013, cost me $205 per month, and $833 in total interest over the life of the loan. So, if instead of paying cash for the car I get the loan and put the extra $9,013 in a bank account earning 3.0% interest, I would earn a total of $1,148 in interest and be ahead $315 at the end of the 48 months. Nice! No wonder we have a financial crisis.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder
Why Life is so tough
Or ponder if it’s only me
Who is having it rough

I see so many others
Who fall so easily in love
Or have little children
Who run to the door for a hug

I drive past lots of houses
That are warm and friendly
And wonder if I’ll ever
Afford such a luxury

All of my friends at work
Have successes so often
And I wonder if I’ll even
Ever earn a promotion

I have applied to school
But just got turned back
To wonder what it was
That they found that I lacked

But I can’t help but be happy
To smile and whistle as I go
Because of my certainty
In a principle that I know

That God is a just God
To both the bond and the free
The rich and the poor
And, yep, even to me

And the test we are all living
Will push each of us to the limit
So it is just as hard for everyone
If you think on it for a minute

And if the experiences we have
For everyone are equally rough
Then on a personal level
It won’t seem quite as tough

Our thoughts will no longer
Drift inward on us
But to everyone on earth
Both the evil and the just

And how we can help
To brighten someone’s day
Or lift another’s burden
And send them on their way

We’ll strive to become
Like that one perfect being
To lift those around us
With no concern to be seen

And instead of craving status
We’ll realize deep within
That true happiness comes
From helping someone grin

Reloaded

I love the Matrix series. Besides having some killer action sequences with unique cinematography, it also has sophisticated flowing dialogue. I watched the second show in the series the other day and can’t seem to stop thinking about one little piece. It starts when the Oracle offers Neo a piece of candy.

The Oracle: Candy?
Neo: Do you already know if I'm going to take it?
The Oracle: Wouldn't be much of an Oracle if I didn't.
Neo: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?
The Oracle: Because you didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it. I thought you'd have figured that out by now.
Neo: Why are you here?
The Oracle: Same reason. I love candy.

Do you think that’s how it really works? Are the choices we make in life already decided and we’re just here to experience it all? Or can we actually shift our destiny at each fork in the road? The former seems logical to me. How else could God be all knowing and fit us into the great puzzle in our perfect spot or know our wants, needs, and desires before we even know them ourselves if he doesn’t already know us so well that he knows what we’ll decide before hand? But still, it doesn’t feel very comfortable to know that my reservation is already set in stone. I don’t know. What do you think? It’s been boggling me.