Feud

My light switch hates me. And I hate it. You could cut the tension of this mutual vendetta with a knife. I turn my light on and off several times a day, and my light switch thinks it’s funny to shock me with static electricity on about half of those occasions. He’s so smug! It’s gotten to the point where I try to sneak up on him like Elmer sneaking up on Mr. Waskely. After a few fakes of my finger, I try to go in for the flip with the light switch’s head turned, as quickly as pulling out the table cloth from a full setting. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. It probably seems humorous to picture me sneaking up on him in my underwear in the dark morning in an attempt to turn on the light pain free, but this has gotten personal, and personal feuds are anything but funny. I envy those of you who are able to groggily zombie walk your way to the bathroom. Just remember me as I dart and weave my way through this battlefield of bedroomdome. If light switches had faces, I’d slap that smirk right of his lips!