An all time great

So Funny

Sabroso Viejo

It sits there staring at me with its beady little eyes, taunting me to make a move on its snide existence. My senses are heightened and my reflexes are coiled, willing me to spring them into action. I am a gunfighter in an old western shootout and at any moment my pistols will glimmer in the sun, unholstered in there assent towards a blazing smoking inferno of satisfying destruction, hammering down with the unrefrained cracking of pierced eardrums, drowning out the very battle cry bellowing from my mouth. Yet in my eagerness my mind is telling me that this foe can do nothing until I make my move. I trump the situation like the starting bell at a dog race, yet I am weakening to the demands of my enthusiasm to engage. Forcing my attention away by breaking eye contact with my enemy, I try to hold off my appetite until the opportune moment. But its aroma whispers to my senses, and the rumblings from my gastrointestinal break my concentration. Attempting a sneak attack, I slide my chair just slightly and pretend to reach out for a file, before pouncing on my foe like a cobra. The battle lasts mere moments. Thinking that this fight is entirely one-sided, I gorge myself on its lush palatability, ripping through him like a buzz saw with complete satisfaction. I laugh heartily in the ecstasy of victory. Yet what is that pinching at my intellect, small at first like a twinge at my forehead, growing slowly into a painful migraine? It is the realization that I have several hours to go in the cubicle sentence of my workday and I’ve exhausted my rations and that, indeed, my enemy has had the last laugh. A tear rolls down my cheek as I begin to walk across the hours of desert until I will finally arrive at the mirage of quitting time. The bitter sweet reality of it all stings like a Marciano jab to the kidneys. And as I let out a silent wail of remorse the truth whispers to my consciousness: If you make a lunch, don’t set it in plain view or you’ll end up eating it by ten in the morning!