Cuties

I don’t really like December that much. Mostly because it is the time of year when winter really kicks in and there are several months before the sun starts to shine again. I’m convinced that whoever decided to put Christmas, Hanukah, and all the other December holidays in December, did so in order to put something fun and bright into an otherwise pretty dismal time. But there is one thing about December that I’ve learned to enjoy. It is the time of year that they sell those little tangerines at the grocery store. You know the kind that you can peel in about five seconds, usually don’t have seeds at all, practically already come de-pulped, and don’t even get your hands dirty. I love those sweet little treats and their juicy bursts of flavor. Cheers Mother Nature! Or should I say Noel? Actually, what does Noel even mean? I see it every December, but for all I know I’m posting propaganda opposing some guy named El. I’d rather not have a mob show up at my door for posting a decoration sporting “Noel” wanting me to join a death march to the rhythmic chanting of “No El”. I mean, I don’t even know El, or his political views, personal aspirations, or strength of character. I would need to study the issues before casting my vote. Or maybe Noel is jumbled up letters symbolizing something else. There’s a word for that. My brother would know. Does it really mean Lone, like the Lone Ranger? Or Leon? Who the heck is Leon?! But whatever, that angry anti-El mob, the Lone Ranger, and Leon better all stay away from the groves that bring December tangerines.

Let's all go to the Lobby

I was once corrected for syntax on an answer I gave to an everyday question. This question was, “How are you doing”. I simply answered, “Good”. It was explained to me that the correct answer to that question is, “I’m doing well”. I guess you can’t be doing ‘good’, unless you are Mother Teresa or something and you’re out waiving flies off of orphans. But if you are genuinely feeling healthy and happy, and you’re commenting on your general state of being, then you are doing ‘well’. Yea, okay, I get it. I’ve even tried to give the correct answer when asked that question. However, lately I’ve noticed that some people are so concerned about giving the correct answer to that question, that they will answer “I’m doing well”, even if that isn’t necessarily the question that was asked. As if your answer to this question is an actual status symbol to fit you into the appropriate stratum of society. For example, is the appropriate answer to the questions “How are you doing” and “How are you” necessarily the same? I’m not so sure, because if someone asks me “How are you” and I answer “I’m doing well”, it doesn’t seem to me that I’m even answering the question that was originally asked, and in that case I’m actually being rude trying to make sure I appear cultured to those around me. Or maybe, in a round about way, I am answering the question correctly according to syntax, but to me it feels more like I’m forcing a round peg into a square hole. Perhaps more appropriate answers to the question “How are you” would be something like “Sick to my stomach”, or “Green with Envy”, or “Utterly in Love”, or “Bored to Death with this Blog”. I would even argue that an appropriate answer to that question would be “Good”. I admit, if I just got done blasting a 3-run shot to center to win the game in extra innings, and someone asks me “How are you” and I answer “Good” it could come across as haughty and smug, but nonetheless, it is still, what I would consider, a correct answer. Now, I realize that I’m doing the very thing that urked me in the first place and now I feel like a tattle, but hey, I’m not the one who started it. In the future, unless I’m in a job interview, I think I’m going to respond to such questions with a one-word answer, “Fine”. That’s because “Fine” has a fat heel and won’t fit into either one of these stilettos. I can’t be “doing” fine, and I’m definitely not at any point “Fine”, unless you were to consider the slang form of the word, in which case I could dress myself up to be “Fine” in an overpriced tuxedo, which, to this point in my life has yet to happen and perhaps never will. Using “Fine” to this question will be my way of being mysterious and edgy. That may be beneficial actually. I mean, every girl has been brain washed by their mothers to think they just want a plain nice guy, but what they really want is someone with a mysterious side that they can tame. This will be my subliminal way of being mysterious like those ads that come on before a movie that make you crave a Coke, even when you don’t drink Coke. Soon, girls will be flocking to me without even knowing why.